Gossip Divisions

Gossip. A word we hear and–sometimes–instantly dislike. Sometimes, we want to have others “gossip” about us–all good things, of course. But “gossip” doesn’t at all equate with good. Dictionary.com defines gossip as “idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.” Not a positive definition.

When we gossip about others, we tend to talk about information they never wanted public. Or we’re spreading an untrue rumor. Along with the gossip, then, we give our own opinions. Opinions that can be unfair and untrue because they’re not founded on facts and true knowledge of a person. In gossip, we judge and label others.

We can all start gossip. It’s easy. Have a problem with a friend? Maybe we’ll post on Facebook or Twitter something they don’t want shared with the world. Or we’ll call them a name that doesn’t at all pertain to them. Or we’ll just rant and let other people take it from there. Gossip is easily started and difficult to stop. And if something’s put on the internet, it’s out there for the whole world to see: No takebacks.

We have to remember that gossip hurts people. Sooner or later, whoever it is the gossip or post is about will hear about it. And, chances are, they’ll hear everyone’s opinions, too. And that hurts, even if it’s just a rumor. But especially if it’s something they’d told someone in confidence. Because now the whole school/group/world knows.

We don’t have to spread gossip. It can stop with us. Maybe we can’t entirely stop it, but we can keep it from spreading to that one person we could tell. Sure, maybe they’ll hear from someone else. But we won’t have spread it. Better yet, if it’s gossip about someone we know, we can talk to them about it. We can warn them of what’s going on, so they can (maybe) prepare themselves for what’s to come. And we can stand beside them as a friend.

The root of the problem, though, is that gossip starts somewhere. And lots of times, it starts from an argument or some animosity between two people. It can even start from the carelessness of a friend, though the friend doesn’t intend for it to happen. Don’t let it start with you.

But it can be hard sometimes. If you’re angry with a friend, you want to rant about it. You want to tell someone. Well, write it down. Tell yourself. Don’t let anger at a friend drive you to post something false or private of theirs on social media. And don’t let it drive you to verbally tell anyone those things either. Take time to cool down. Sleep on it. Then, go back to your friend and try to talk it out. Be wise, and don’t burn the bridges of friendship with one angry outburst.

But, it can also start other ways. When a friend tells you something in confidence, seeking advice, but you don’t have the wisdom to help them, you’re tempted to go to someone else to get help and advice. But you need to be sure that’s okay with your friend, first. After all, they told you and only you for a reason. And if you do need to seek someone else’s advice, choose an adult you trust and make sure it’s okay with your friend that you talk to that adult. Don’t go to a peer, who may not have any more advice than you. That peer may go to one of their friends, and on and on. Then, the information is spread, your friend finds out, and they’re angry at you. It can lead to big problems, and losing a friendship.

Don’t let gossip create divisions among you and your friends. If you need help with something your friend told you, ask them if you can talk to a trusted adult. And respect their answer. If you’re angry or have a problem with a friend, don’t rant on social media or to another friend. Take time to cool down, and go talk it out with your friend. Chances are, you’ll be able to save the friendship.

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